Newsletter: Volume 6. FALL 2024

Dr. Rivka Graham-Edery, Psy.D, MSW, LCSW

THE STORMY-TRAP:

How the Anxious Child and Avoidant Protector Create Disorganized Attachment -

An IFS & ACT Solution-Focused Perspective.

Are you trapped in a cycle of craving love and pushing it away? You might be caught in the Stormy-Trap of disorganized attachment. Imagine your mind is like a family living inside you, with different "parts" playing various roles. Some parts are like anxious children, scared and worried. Others are like strict parents, trying to control everything and keep those scared parts in line.

Disorganized Attachment Style, viewed through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), suggests that our struggle for happiness often stems from these inner family dynamics. It's like a storm raging within us, fueled by conflicting parts and unresolved trauma.

UNHAPPY (burdened) TRAPPED PARTS:

Parts in Conflict: Imagine a terrified child who desperately wants love but is terrified of getting hurt. This "anxious child" part clashes with a "controlling parent" part that tries to protect the child by pushing others away or sabotaging intimacy. This internal tug-of-war creates constant turmoil and prevents us from experiencing peace or genuine connection.

Exiled Parts: Past hurts, and traumas create "exiled" parts that carry deep pain and shame. Our "protective parts," like vigilant guards, try to hide these exiled parts, leading to avoidance and a limited life. These protectors might be hypervigilant, constantly expecting danger and reacting intensely to perceived threats, even in safe situations. The Self Lost in the Chaos: Our core Self, which is compassionate and wise, gets lost in this stormy family drama. We lose touch with our true nature and get caught up in the parts' struggles, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

THE SOLUTION (IFS & ACT):

1). Getting to Know Your Parts: Instead of fighting or ignoring our parts, we can approach them with curiosity and compassion. Imagine sitting down with that scared child and that controlling parent, seeking to understand their motivations and the burdens they carry.

2). Self-Leadership: We can strengthen our core Self, allowing it to lead the internal family with understanding and acceptance. This means not taking sides in the parts' conflicts but offering compassion to all. Imagine the Self as a wise and loving leader who can calm the storm and create harmony within.

3). Unburdening the Parts: By listening to and understanding our parts, we can help them release their burdens and find peace. Imagine helping the child feel safe and the parent let go of their controlling ways. This allows them to step back from their extreme roles and cooperate.

4). Living from the Self: When our parts feel heard and understood, they can trust the Self to lead. This allows us to live authentically, guided by our values, even in the presence of difficult emotions. Imagine the whole family working together, guided by the Self's wisdom and compassion.

In essence, "Disorganized Attachment" through an IFS lens suggests:

A). Our unburdened, unled inner "family" dynamics, marked by fear and conflict, create much of our suffering.

B). By understanding and accepting our parts, especially those shaped by trauma, we can find inner peace.

C). A strong Self can lead the internal family, allowing us to live a full and meaningful life, navigate relationships with greater security, and face challenges with courage and compassion.

D). By applying the principles of ACT and IFS, and seeking trauma-informed support when needed, individuals can begin to heal from disorganized attachment and create a more secure and fulfilling life.

LEARN MORE AND JOIN US! Beyond Acceptance: Your Inner Parts Welcome to an ACT & IFS Community Facebook Group https://www.facebook.com/share/utKN6WT4Bgp6gAtW/ 

Host, IFS Community Zoom Gatherings https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZcsdOyrrjMsGNGaz59sSFkoWXK1bB2ktHKM 

#IFS #InternalFamilySystems #PartsWork #SelfLeadership #ACT #AcceptanceAndCommitmentTherapy #Mindfulness #PsychologicalFlexibility #EmotionalHealing #DisorganizedAttachment #AttachmentTrauma #FearfulAvoidant #AnxiousAttachment #RelationshipStruggles #TraumaRecovery #InnerChildHealing #MentalHealth #Therapy #SelfCompassion #EmotionalWellbeing #PersonalGrowth #HealingJourney

Newsletter: Volume 5. June 2024

Dr. Rivka Graham-Edery, Psy.D, MSW, LCSW

Welcome to Our Monday Fireside: Embracing Every Part of Yourself Newsletter! 

Subject: 🔥 FREE IFS Fireside Gathering Tomorrow: (7 PM-8:15PM UK)

Greetings IFS travelers! Join us tomorrow for our weekly IFS Fireside Gathering, a safe space to connect, learn, and share experiences with the IFS model.

Logistics:

New? Register once and use the same link each week: 

https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZcsdOyrrjMsGNGaz59sSFkoWXK1bB2ktHKM

Agenda:

7:00 PM: Welcome and PowerPoint Introduction

7:15: Fifteen minutes of quiet attunement: Center yourself and set the intention for our gathering

7:30 PM: Thirty Minutes of ‘Check-In’ Discussions: Engage in triad conversations within privately assigned Zoom breakout rooms. (IFS inspired exercises provided)

8:00 PM: 15 Minutes for Group Check-In and Closing: Reflect, share insights, and connect with fellow IFS explorers.

8:15PM: Group ends.

Are you curious about a brief introduction to seeing the DSM / Mental Health through the IFS lens? You read my full post and download the diagrams here: 

https://www.rivkaedery.com/blog283558fa

Don't forget to share this invitation with your friends, family or colleagues who might be interested.

Looking forward to connecting with you and co-creating a meaningful experience!

P.S. Did you find this post helpful? Share your thoughts or questions with me!

We can't wait to see you there!

Warmly,

Dr. Rivka A. Edery, Psy.D., M.S.W., L.C.S.W.

Newsletter: Volume 4: December 2023

Dr. Rivka Edery

Creative Reparenting can transform broken mirrors into beautiful mosaics.

This newsletter is about the creative reparenting of your inner child. We heal the parts of ourselves that were neglected or hurt in childhood by reparenting our inner child. By addressing these deep-rooted wounds, we can unlock personal growth and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Worthy guidance and techniques can help you re-parent your inner child to a better relationship with yourself. By tending to the needs of our inner child, we can unlock profound healing, release emotional blockages,and transform our lives.

At RivkaEdery.com, we're dedicated to a unique mission: empowering you to be your own loving parent. The journey to self-love and acceptance can be challenging, but it's the most rewarding expedition you'll ever embark on. In the words of Steve Maraboli, "The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself." 

This newsletter is a brief holiday wish for you, with some helpful tools to help you gather more glimmers of love, joy and connection. 

To share this newsletter with others, share this link: http://eepurl.com/h8n6az.

Should any of these resources benefit you, kindly spread the word and respond to me to inform me what you're adding to your valuable toolkit!

Respectfully,

Dr. Rivka A. Edery

Author of 

1. Trauma and Transformation: A 12-StepGuide 

2. Hear Me Sing: Book I

YOU CAN VISIT US HERE:

1)  Reparenting Revolution Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ReparentingRevolution

2)  Dr. Rivka Edery Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/rivkaedery/

3)  FREE mental health events:www.facebook.com/groups/freezoomgroups/

4)  LinkedIn Group:https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14245515/ 

The Creative Reparenting Newsletter by Dr. Edery

Becoming your Loving Inner Parent to your inner child is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. This practice is beneficial for a few reasons.

Here is where you can find all the blogs if you want to read them: https://www.rivkaedery.com/blog283558fa

If you'd like to share it with friends, please use this link: https://www.rivkaedery.com/newsletters

As 2023 ends, you may reflect on moments of warmth and lingering traumas, possibly deepened by global uncertainties. I hope you find peace and a spark of joy as you conclude this year and prepare for 2024.

In seeking healing, I encourage you to find a spiritual community that fulfills these needs:

First, cultivate a safe environment. Seek groups or spaces that offer confidentiality, empathy, and respect. You deserve to feel secure and heard in your healing process.

Second, explore diverse healing methods. Embrace therapies like art, mindfulness, or yoga that resonate with you. For example, painting is a great way to express my emotions and release stress.

Third, use technology. Use apps to enrich your recovery with tools and support beyond traditional therapy. For example, you can try Headspace, a meditation app that helps you relax and focus.

Fourth, take part in storytelling. Express and share your journey creatively to empower yourself and others within supportive settings. For example, you can join a writing workshop, a book club, or a podcast group that celebrates stories of resilience and hope.

Fifth, connect with peer mentors. Draw inspiration and guidance from those who've navigated similar paths. For example, you can reach out to a friend, a family member, or an online community member who has overcome a similar trauma and ask for their advice.

 Approach healing with care, honoring each person's unique path. Choose innovative healing paths to inspire progress in yourself or others. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. As Maya Angelou said, "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." So, tell your story and heal your soul.

 Journal Prompts:

- Reflect on the modalities that have aided your trauma recovery.

- Ponder how to foster a supportive space for yourself in the new year.

- Consider ways to cultivate safety and support as you enter the new year.

 HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR 2024!

With love ❤️ 

Dr. Rivka

December 31, 2023

To learn more about me and my work, please visit my website:

www.rivkaedery.com

#healingjourney #kindnessmatters #glimmers #loveandkindness

Dr. Rivka Edery

Creative Reparenting can transform broken mirrors into beautiful mosaics.

Newsletter: Volume 3: Fall 2023

This newsletter is about the creative reparenting of your inner child. We heal the parts of ourselves that were neglected or hurt in childhood by reparenting our inner child. By addressing these deep-rooted wounds, we can unlock personal growth and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Worthy guidance and techniques can help you re-parent your inner child to a better relationship with yourself. By tending to the needs of our inner child, we can unlock profound healing, release emotional blockages,and transform our lives.

At RivkaEdery.com, we're dedicated to a unique mission: empowering you to be your own loving parent. The journey to self-love and acceptance can be challenging, but it's the most rewarding expedition you'll ever embark on. In the words of Steve Maraboli, "The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself."

In this newsletter, we'll share six helpful resources to help you explore this idea further and nurture this important relationship.

Join us as we delve into the transformative power of self-love and understanding. Let's begin this journey of becoming our loving parents because every step we take towards self-love is a step towards a happier, fuller life.

Stay tuned and get ready to embrace the love within you!

To share this newsletter with others, share this link: http://eepurl.com/h8n6az.

Should any of these resources benefit you, kindly spread the word and respond to me to inform me what you're adding to your valuable toolkit!

Until next month,

Dr. Rivka Edery

Author of

1. Trauma and Transformation: A 12-StepGuide 

2. Hear Me Sing: Book I

YOU CAN VISIT US HERE:

1) Reparenting Revolution Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ReparentingRevolution

2) Dr. Rivka Edery Facebook Group: www.facebook.com/groups/rivkaedery/

3) FREE mental health events:www.facebook.com/groups/freezoomgroups/

4) LinkedIn Group:https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14245515/

The Creative Reparenting Newsletter by Dr. Edery

Becoming your Loving Inner Parent to your inner child is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. This practice is beneficial for a few reasons.

Here is where you can find all the blogs if you want to read them: https://www.rivkaedery.com/blog283558fa

If you'd like to share it with friends, please use this link: https://www.rivkaedery.com/newsletters

SIX RESOURCES FOR CREATIVE INNER REPARENTING

1)  Loving Parent Guidebook (Spiral Bound) ISBN978-1-944840-14-3

PURCHASE: https://shop.adultchildren.org/products/loving-parent-guidebook

FROM THE PUBLISHERS:

The Solution in the Adult Children of Alcoholics / Dysfunctional Families (ACA and ACoA) program is to become your own loving parent. The Loving Parent Guidebook explains how to incorporate this healing resource into your life. The book guides creating the conditions to reclaim your inner child and re-parent yourself with gentleness, humor, love, and respect. You can apply everything you learn in this guidebook to parenting, interacting with children, and interacting with adults. When you become a friend to yourself, you're naturally a friend to others.

Bonus Resources Page: https://adultchildren.org/literature/loving-parent-guidebook/

2) Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, Second Edition

A highly accessible introduction to a therapeutic approach that brings our inner “parts” into harmony and allows our core Self to lead.

PURCHASE: https://ifs-institute.com/store/39

FROM THE PUBLISHERS:
We’re all familiar with self-talk, self-doubt, and self-judgment—yet most of us still view ourselves as if we have one uniform mind. Dr. Richard Schwartz’s breakthrough was recognizing that we each contain an “internal family” of distinct parts—and that treating these parts with curiosity, respect, and empathy vastly expands our capacity to heal.

Over the past two decades, Internal Family Systems (IFS) has transformed the practice of psychotherapy. With Introduction to Internal Family Systems, the creator of IFS presents the ideal layperson’s guide for understanding this empowering, effective, and non-pathologizing approach to self-discovery and healing. Dr. Schwartz shares evidence, case studies, and self-care tools to help us move from suppressing our wounded parts to unburdening them from extreme beliefs, emotions, and addictions—shifting these parts from inner obstacles to invaluable allies.

“The most wonderful discovery I have made is that as we do this work, we naturally gain access to our true Self—the calm, compassionate essence of who we are,” reports Dr. Schwartz. “When the Self becomes the leading intelligence in our lives, we create more harmony—both within ourselves and in our external lives.” For therapists, their clients, and anyone interested in understanding and healing themselves, here is an essential guide to a revolutionary approach to mental wellness.

AUDIO LISTENING

3)  [Unlocking Us] by BrenéBrown. This podcast is hosted by Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston who has spent the past two decades studying courage,vulnerability, shame, and empathy. In this podcast, she interviews guests from different fields and backgrounds who share their stories of struggle and success. She also discusses belonging, authenticity, creativity, leadership,spirituality, parenting, social justice, and more.

4)  [How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime] by Nadine Burke Harris. This is a TED talk by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a pediatrician who became California’s first Surgeon General in 2019. In this talk, she explains how adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) such as abuse, neglect, violence, and poverty can have lasting impacts on health and well-being throughout life. She also advocates for screening and treating children and adults who have experienced trauma and preventing future traumas by addressing the root causes of social inequity and injustice.

5)  PLAYLIST https://www.ted.com/playlists/638/how_to_practice_emotional_first_aid

How to practice emotional first aid: Handy TED Talks for when you (or a loved one) need help recovering from an emotional hit.

6)  [How to practice emotional first aid] by Guy Winch. This is an article by Dr. Guy Winch, a psychologist and author specializing in emotional health. In this article, he argues that we often neglect our emotional wounds and suffer from low self-esteem, loneliness,failure, rejection, and guilt. He suggests that we should treat our emotional pain with the same care and attention that we give to our physical pain. He offers some tips and strategies for practicing emotional first aid, such as challenging negative self-talk, boosting self-compassion, seeking social support, and finding meaning and purpose.

 

Dr. Rivka Edery

Creative Reparenting can transform broken mirrors into beautiful mosaics.

Newsletter: Volume 2: Summer 2023

This newsletter is about the creative reparenting of your inner child. We heal the parts of ourselves that were neglected or hurt in childhood by reparenting our inner child. By addressing these deep-rooted wounds, we can unlock personal growth and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Worthy guidance and techniques can help you re-parent your inner child to a better relationship with yourself. By tending to the needs of our inner child, we can unlock profound healing, release emotional blockages,and transform our lives.

To share this newsletter with others, share this link: http://eepurl.com/h8n6az.

SEVEN BRIEF POINTS ON CREATIVE INNER REPARENTING

1. Take a moment to reflect on your own childhood experiences. How those experiences may have influenced your current mindset and behaviors. Self-reflection can lead to a greater understanding of the importance of reparenting the inner child. It also encourages further exploration of this method.

2. Practical exercises or techniques that you can implement to connect with your inner child in a loving and nurturing way. You can write to your inner child, be creative, or care for yourself.

3. A twelve-step fellowship called Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) focuses on this specific healing modality. Groups offer stories from people who became Loving Inner Parents and transformed their lives. These personal accounts can inspire and motivate readers to embark on their reparenting journey. You can find the main ACA website here:  https://acawso.org/

4. I warmly invite reader engagement. Share your experiences, insights, and challenges regarding reparenting your inner child. The platform is my Facebook group, http://www.facebook.com/groups/rivkaedery/

5. Readers can connect with others by exploring the role of a Loving Inner Parent. This sense of community and support can foster a safe space for individuals to share and learn from each other.

6. The long-term benefits of adopting the role of a Loving Inner Parent. This practice can make you more self-aware, emotionally intelligent, and joyful. It is a lifelong journey of self-discovery and healing, but one that can have profound positive effects on overall well-being.

7. Reparenting the inner child can be challenging, and setbacks may occur.Overcome challenges by getting help, being kind to yourself, and staying committed to healing.

WHAT I HAVE BEEN UP TO

This past month, I uploaded three podcasts and corresponding scripts. The audio tracks are available on YouTube for streaming or downloading.

1. The power of values in healing severe childhood trauma:Three creative writing exercises.

YouTube: https://youtu.be/y6JmVjVJ3Dk

2. Help your loving parts find their way home: guided inner child reparenting practice for developmental trauma.

YouTube: https://youtu.be/kDstpjqajXI

3. Curious About Parts: Finding Solutions Through Non-Dominant Handwriting Exploration.

YouTube: https://youtu.be/Ag639TgiXo4

On my website, you can listen to or read them here: https://www.rivkaedery.com/blog283558f.

Until next month,

Dr. Rivka Edery

Creative Reparenting can transform broken mirrors into beautiful mosaics.

An IFS-informed, ACT-trained therapist, Level II Trauma Certification

Email: redery@rivkaedery.com

Website: www.rivkaedery.com

Author of

1. Trauma and Transformation: A 12-StepGuide 

2. Hear Me Sing: Book I

YOU CAN VISIT US HERE:

1) Reparenting Revolution Facebook Page:

https://www.facebook.com/ReparentingRevolution

2) Dr. Rivka Edery Facebook Group:

www.facebook.com/groups/rivkaedery/

3) FREE mental health events:

www.facebook.com/groups/freezoomgroups/

4) LinkedIn Group:

https://www.linkedin.com/groups/14245515/ 

The Creative Reparenting Newsletter by Dr. Edery

• Becoming your Loving Inner Parent to your inner child is a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. This practice is beneficial for a few reasons.
  
• Here is where you can find all the blogs if you want to read them: https://www.rivkaedery.com/blog283558fa
  
• If you'd like to share it with friends, please use this link: https://www.rivkaedery.com/newsletters